The Epic Quest for Reports
by Ultra Hikari
Summary: Lieutenant Ise has to collect reports from all other Divisions. A seemingly simple task turns into a rather complicated affair, but at the end of it all Lieutenant Ise finds something unexpected...


There. Lieutenant Ise put down her pen. It was time for the bi-montly report on the Division's activities, and Lieutenant Ise regarded her report with the satisfaction of a job well done.

It consisted of ten pages of text and four appendices: a table summing up the Division's activities by date; a coloured pie chart detailing the percentage of time spent on each particular activity; a photograph of a sleeping Captain Kyoraku – to illustrate the lack of discipline she was up against; and finally a second photograph of Captain Kyoraku conducting an exercise with the Division – evidence for the improvement of the Division's morale.

That final photograph was a particular point of pride. To even get the Captain to attend the exercise, she had to threaten to confiscate his secret stash of sake. The one he didn't think she knew about. All in all, the report was perfection itself.

Just as she was about to leave to deliver her report, however, a Hell Butterfly arrived. Lieutenant Ise sighed at the arrival. Problems always came up just when she was about to deliver her report.

The message was: 'Lieutenant Ise, due to some Lieutenants' inability to present the Lieutenant's Activity Reports on time, you are ordered to collect the reports from all divisions and deliver them to the archive building. Thank you for your hard work'

Lieutenant Ise pursed her lips – collecting the reports did not seem like a fun task, but since it was entrusted to her, she would do it perfectly. She paused to figure out the best report collecting route, and went off in shunpo.

Lieutenant Hisagi of 9th Division was quite happy that he would not have to deliver the report himself. 'Just a second, Ise-san,' he said, juggling some other papers. 'I'll just put this article away to use it in the next newspaper.' But he just could not get a free minute to find the report. His attention kept wandering off, and lower seated officers kept walking in with more requests.

'Oh yes, I'm about to bring the report," he told Ise half an hour later, 'only I have to sign some papers...' Then he turned around, hearing something outside the window. 'Hey, who said lunch break?' he shouted. 'No lunch break until the job is done!'

And he was off again. He didn't come back until an hour later. 'Ise-san, haven't I given you the report yet?' Finally Lieutenant Ise asked Hisagi to delegate and send somebody for the report. That turned out absolutely impossible because nobody knew where the report was.

Lieutenant Ise resorted to desperate measures – she gave Hisagi A Look.

That produced results. The whole office fell silent, and the report was brought forth immediately. It appeared to be in perfect order. Lieutenant Ise went on to the next division.

This was going to be a long day.

Next on the list was the 7th. Lieutenant Ise was not looking forward to visiting the Division - their Lieutenant was a distasteful individual who often interrupted the proceedings of Shinigami Women's Association. But at least he did not make Lieutenant Ise wait for the report.

However, the document he gave Lieutenant Ise did not leave a good impression. The best words to describe its appearance would probably be 'mangled' and 'soggy'. Lieutenant Ise could not let that slide, she asked how that had happened.

'The Captain's dog got to it,' half-defiantly, half-embarrassedly explained Iba. 'Are you saying that the dog ate your report?' asked Lieutenant Ise. 'Lieutenant Iba, you disappoint me – that's the oldest and weakest excuse in the book'. She gave a small smile at Iba's indignant spluttering, thanked him for the report and went on her way.

The 10th office of the Division appeared empty at first. But then Lieutenant Ise heard the sound of gentle snores and mumbles of 'Hisagi, get more sake!' from the office couch and the sound of industrious scribbles from behind a large heap of papers on the desk.

'Lieutenant Ise here to collect the Lieutenant's Activity Report,' she announced. 'I know,' Captain Hitsugaya's grumpy voice answered from behind the papers. 'Here it is.' Lieutenant Ise approached the desk and took the couple of pages that were thrust in her direction.

Lieutenant Ise ventured a look at the report. It mostly consisted of phrases 'raising the spirit of the Division', 'bonding exercises', 'improving the inter-divisional communication'... Lieutenant Ise had to commend Matsumoto's Captain. He had basically handed in a euphemistic description of her drinking parties, but made it sound as if she did some real work. Lieutenant Ise bowed and said goodbye to the Captain, who muttered something unintelligible in reply.

'What is this?' Lieutenant Ise asked with suspicion.

Lieutenant Kurotsuchi of the 12th Division told her the report was ready, but Lieutenant Ise had expected it to look different. Instead of a properly formatted document she was given a heap of blank paper and a bottle of murky liquid. 'The report is written in invisible ink, and the bottle contains a reagent to make it visible,' Lieutenant Kurotsuchi explained. Lieutenant Ise's incredulous expression prompted her to add: 'Captain Kurotsuchi asked to test it, and I thought the report would be a good opportunity...'

Lieutenant Ise shook her head – it was the 12th, one should probably expect that sort of thing. She made sure that the bottle was properly corked, put it in the bag with the reports and went on.

Everyone knew that all paperwork in the 11th was handled by Yumichika, and Lieutenant Ise went to look for him in the Division office. She knocked at the closed door, and received a quiet squeak and a loud: 'Just a moment!' in answer.

Lieutenant Ise impatiently tapped her foot on the floor as moments stretched into minutes. At long last the door opened, and she saw the flamboyant 5th seat of the Division. He bowed his head. 'My apologies for the wait. I had to take care of a minor wardrobe malfunction,' he explained. Lieutenant Ise told him that she needed to get the report.

'Yes, of course, 'said Yumichika, and went to get the document. When he handed it to Lieutenant Ise, she looked through it. The document seemed to be written appropriately. But, although the flourishes and elaborate designs of the kanji were quite in Yumichika's style, Lieutenant Ise disapproved. That sort of writing lacked clarity and symmetry. Better to keep the writing clean and easily legible.

'Lieutenant Kusajishi specifically asked to add this,' said Yumichika, handing her one more page. 'This' turned out to be a colourful crayon drawing. Lieutenant Ise thought that the big stick figure with spikes in the head represented Captain Zaraki, and the slightly smaller pink stick figure was probably the Lieutenant, but the rest of the stick figures lacked distinguishing features. Lieutenant Ise looked at Yumichika, who seemed to have some difficulties in suppressing laughter, gravely thanked him and went to the next division – after all, the contents of the report were none of her business.

The sound of arguing greeted Lieutenant Ise as soon as she entered the 13th Division headquarter building. Third seats Kotetsu and Kotsubaki were at it again. Just when Lieutenant Ise approached the office, she heard a sound of crash from behind the closed door.

'Now look what you did, clumsy oaf!' Kotetsu's voice reprimanded. 'It was your fault!' Kotsubaki yelled in reply. Lieutenant Ise slid the door open and saw the two of them standing over the shards of a broken vase with nearly identical expressions of surprised horror.

'Ise-san! It's you!' exclaimed Kotetsu with evident relief. 'Good thing it's not the Captain, he doesn't like when we fight,' added Kotsubaki. Lieutenant Ise assured them that the Captain probably was not even near the office, and asked for the report.

Both rummaged in their respective desks and handed the reports to Lieutenant Ise. 'Look at mine,' proudly said Kotetsu. 'It has 20 photographs of Captain Ukitake!'

'Hah, twenty! My report mentions the Captain 113 times! That's symbolic!' Kotsubaki said. 'Oh yeah? Symbolic how?' asked Kotetsu. Lieutenant Ise felt that it was a beginning of another argument. She quickly took both reports and left the 3rd seats to resolve their problems by themselves.

Lieutenant Ise felt that she had to calm her nerves a little after that, so she decided to go to the 4th Division – after all, hospitals were supposed to be quiet. And it was quiet enough, only the report Lieutenant Kotetsu handed her smelled rather unpleasant. 'Ah, so sorry about that...' Kotetsu explained, blushing with embarrassment. 'I accidentally poured some quite nasty medicine on it. I dried the report with Kido, but I couldn't get the smell out...'

'It happens,' Lieutenant Ise said. 'Could you wrap the report in something so that the smell doesn't contaminate the other documents?' Kotetsu nodded, and hurriedly ran out of the room, carrying the report. She was back quite soon, and handed Lieutenant Ise a small package with the report. Lieutenant Ise reflected that whoever would have to open that package was in for an unpleasant surprise.

Lieutenant Ise proceeded to the 5th Division. She approached the Division headquarters thinking about the Division's Lieutenant. After Hinamori was released from the hospital, Lieutenant Ise had felt a change in her behaviour. It was like her will to live was crushed. Still, Hinamori tried to do her duty – at least the report was ready, and it was written in quite neat kanji.

Lieutenant Ise was quite relieved to see that Hinamori seemed to feel better, but her relief was premature – Hinamori gave her the report and said in a shaking voice: 'Captain Aizen used to read through the report before I had to hand it in...' Lieutenant Ise tried to to come up with a suitable reply that would be somewhat sympathetic, but Hinamori looked so depressed that Lieutenant Ise just collected the report and went on her way.

Lieutenant Ise continued her quest for the reports, and the next Division was the 6th. She was pleased to find out that Lieutenant Abarai had written the report and was ready to hand it over. Lieutenant Ise took the proffered document and could not help but raise an eyebrow – it was written entirely on pink paper.

'My apologies. Abarai-san, but why does the report look like this?' Lieutenant Ise asked.

'That was the Captain's idea!' proudly announced Abarai.

'Really?' inquired Lieutenant Ise sceptically. 'Captain Kuchiki asked you to write the report on pink paper?'

'Well, not exactly, but he said the report should reflect our identity. And you know how his bankai is pink? So I figured pink will make it more... Well, more like our Division, you know!' Abarai explained.

Lieutenant Ise certainly could see the reasoning, even though she was quite sure that it was not what Captain Kuchiki had in mind. She quickly packed the report, bade goodbye to Lieutenant Abarai, and proceeded to the next Division.

Lieutenant Ise approached the 1st Division Headquarters rather optimistically, thinking that Lieutenant Sasakibe, such an important person in Soul Society, a representative of such a prestigious Division, would surely have a perfect report. It probably was perfect, too, only she could not read it.

'Sasakibe-san, what are these...characters?' Lieutenant Ise asked.

Lieutenant Sasakibe gave the report a proud look and said: 'That is called English. People in the Human world use it all the time, and I believe it should be introduced in Soul Society, as well. It is a language with long history, I'm sure you would like to hear more about it!'

Sasakibe's interest in the culture of the Human world was well-known, if not outright infamous. Lieutenant Ise understood that if she did the polite thing and agreed to listen, she would have to endure quite a long talk, and that was not the right time.

'I can make arrangements so you could conduct a lecture about it,' Lieutenant Ise suggested. Sasakibe appeared delighted at the prospect. Lieutenant Ise thought that Shinigami Men's Society certainly would be less delighted when they found out that this lecture would be the crucial element of their New Year's party.

The 2nd Division was next on the list. Lieutenant Ise was almost curious to see what would go wrong with the report this time. She found Lieutenant Omaeda in his office and explained that she had to collect his report.

'Yeah, that stupid report...' grunted Omaeda. He opened the doors and yelled: 'Hajime! Hajime, you slacker, come here!' Footsteps were heard, and a Shinigami came in. 'Have you written my report?' Omaeda asked the newly arrived Shinigami.

'Yes, Lieutenant Omaeda,' the man nodded. 'Well, bring it here then!' ordered Omaeda, and the man hurried out of the room.

After a minute or so there was a sound of hurried footsteps again, and the same Shinigami entered the room and respectfully handed Omaeda the report. Lieutenant Omaeda leafed through it and commented: 'Not a bad handwriting for a 20th seat... I hope the report makes me look good, after all, you don't want me to get demoted, do you?'

'Umm...' Hajime hesitated.

'Do you?' threateningly repeated Omaeda.

'No, Lieutenant Omaeda,' sighed Hajime.

'Sure you don't. Now get lost,' ordered Omaeda, and Hajime bowed to Lieutenant Ise and left the room. Lieutenant Ise took the document, bade goodbye to Lieutenant Omaeda and went to collect the final report.

The bag with the reports was getting heavy, and Lieutenant Ise was getting tired. Fortunately, only one report remained, that of the Lieutenant of the 3rd Division.

Lieutenant Kira was in his office, writing. He rose from the desk to greet Lieutenant Ise and added: 'I heard that you have to collect the Lieutenant's Activity Reports, here is mine. Thank you!'

Lieutenant Ise was about to take the document, when Kira said: 'That bag appears to be quite heavy. Would you like me to get somebody to help you carry it?' Lieutenant Ise was at a loss for a moment. Her pride as the key representative of the Shinigami Women's Association told her that relying on help in such a trivial matter would reflect badly on her status. But then again, Kira obviously meant to be polite and helpful, and she was tired. Maybe accepting the offer would be better.

'Please do,' she replied, and Kira went to look for somebody who was free to help.

For a moment Lieutenant Ise was alone in the room, and she idly looked through Kira's report. And what she saw there almost made her gasp – the report of the 3rd Division seemed to be even better than hers!

It consisted of 30 pages, all in beautifully written kanji. Lieutenant Ise thought her handwriting was perfect, but this report could be just framed and hung on walls for people to admire. And it had appendices – not just one or two, oh no. Appendix 1 was a summary of the activities by dates. Appendix 2 – a chart detailing the percentage of time spent on each particular activity (and it had three more colours than her chart). Appendix 3 contained a graph that showed the correlation between the efficiency of the Division work and the Hollow activity. Appendix 4 was a proposal for a more rational distribution of resources, explained with complicated mathematical calculations. And finally Appendix 5 showed a collection of physical and mental exercises for Shinigami of any reiatsu level, invented, developed and tested by Lieutenant Kira himself.

Lieutenant Ise felt the need to sit down and take a deep breath. She had never really had much contact with Kira before, but this document affected her in a new, strange, and unexpected way. Nobody had ever been able to write a report as good as hers, she'd been sure of that.

But Kira's report vastly exceeded her expectations. Lieutenant Ise noticed that her hands were shaking, and her heart was beating very fast. She did not understand why it was so, but she knew one thing – Kira must be an incredible person. His attention to details, his polite demeanour, and his precision and accuracy in the execution of his duties were just the qualities she admired.

Then Kira returned with a Shinigami and said: 'Our 5th seat will be happy to help with delivering the reports.'

Lieutenant Ise thanked him and added: 'Kira-san, I could not help but notice that your report is very well-written.' Kira actually blushed at the compliment, but before he managed to answer, Lieutenant Ise continued: 'I believe an exchange of report-writing tips would be mutually beneficent for our Divisions. Shall we discuss it at dinner?'

She was quite pleased by the surprised look Kira gave her before agreeing.

'It tomorrow afternoon acceptable?' Lieutenant Ise asked.

'Yes, absolutely!' Kira answered with some enthusiasm.

'Then I'll come by at seven,' said Lieutenant Ise. She gave half of the report stack to the waiting 5th seat, and they brought the documents to the archive. After that Lieutenant Ise thanked the 5th seat, and went back to her Division, thinking about tomorrow's dinner. It might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

~Omake~

Lieutenant Kira watched Lieutenant Ise walk away, accompanied by his 5th seat. The other Lieutenant had been extraordinarily friendly today. Quite the change from her normally serious and cold demeanour. Maybe she'd been friendly because she'd spent all day with paperwork? As far as Kira knew, Lieutenant Ise rarely seemed interested in anything other than that. It must be her hobby. She'd even offered to discuss it with him some more…

Wait.

Had he just been asked on a date?


End file.
